December 30th, 2002 08:45 hours CST currently listening to: "Vapor Trail" by RIDE

I'm fighting an ear infection right now. Bleh, I know. I had lunch yesterday with Rachel and my right ear was killing me every time I took a bite. I'm back on Claritin D, and it's making me so loopy. That accelerated heart beat and nervousness with that weird sensation of "I could so take a nap right now". Anyway, last night while I was feeling exactly this way, I went to the living room, lit some candles, put on Woob and sat in my papazan with a notebook. I started brainstorming titles for the upcoming airiel EP's and it finally hit me. I'm very, very happy with them and they make me smile. Thanks, Alyssa. I owe you one.

It's New Years Eve, 8:45 AM and I can already tell that the office is going to be totally dead today. Dave took the day off and I'm already bored. Since I got the titles done for the EP's, I don't have much to do today except the normal routine. Hmmmm. Everybody just send me an AOL Message every chance you get, ok?

December 29th, 2002 10:00 hours CST currently listening to: "Ridiculous Thoughts" by the Cranberries

*sigh* How do I describe this? I had my arms around an angel last night. And I got to spin her around and around. Dreams really do come true.

The stares. The mispronunciation of Marquis de Sade. The CD exchange. She dragged a ridiculously obese handbag full of records and other necessities behind her as if dragging a corpse. She looked back just knowing that I was watching and laughing. She was right, and she flashed that smile that will always melt me. 45 Minutes long. It feels like a dream. Just try and wipe the smile from my face. I dare you. No, I triple dog dare you.

She is my muse.

December 27th, 2002 13:55 hours CST currently listening to: "Screw" by The Cure

I snagged a survey off of Debster's journal:
-B A S I C. Q U E S T I O N S-
[my name is]: Jeremy
[height?]: 6'1"
[in the morning i am]: awake and moving about
[all i need is]: music
[love is]: a real thing
[if i could see one person right now]: Mimi
[im afraid of]: giving my heart to someone again
[i dream about]: hahahahah lately, having sex with one of the girls from Ladytron
-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: if i had one, sure
[actually seen your crush naked]: see above
[been in love]: yes
[cried when someone died]: no
[lied]: yes
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: coke
[flowers or candy]: flowers
[tall or short]: tall
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do u notice first?]: face and hair
[last person u slow danced with]: can't remember
[worst question to ask]: how many people have you slept with?
-W H O-
[makes u laugh the most?]: DJ
[makes you smile]: Dj, Flip, Jeff and Kim
[gives u a funny feeling when u see them]: ...
[do you have a crush on?]: no one right now
[has a crush on u?]: i'm sure no one right now
[easier to talk to]: depends on the subject, but i'd say girls
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. u?]: sometimes while at work
[save aol/aim conversations]: maybe a few lines for a funny quote
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex]: sometimes
[cried because of someone saying something to u]: yes
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yes
[been rejected?]: yes
[rejected someone]: yes
[used someone]: used for what?
[been cheated on]: absolutely
[done something u regret]: yes
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[u talked to on the phone]: mom. wished her a happy birthday
[hugged]: Rusty
[u instant messaged]: Rianon
[instant messaged you?]: Rachel
[u laughed with]: John
-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: nope
[ever get off the damn computer]: when I'm at home, yes
[habla espanol]: nope
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: fuck no
[obsessive]: depends on the subject
[could u live without the computer?]: i could if i had to
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: 69
[what's your favorite food?]: I suppose the most consistent thing I eat is cereal
[whats your favorite fruit?]: pineapple or strawberries
[drink alcohol?]: yes
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: sunsets
[what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?]: emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: apparently

December 27th, 2002 08:40 hours CST currently listening to: "Babble" by The Cure

My word, I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow. It's really quite cold in my apartment and it makes you want to hibernate. Especially when you've got the electric mattress pad on and you're all toasty and warm. *sigh*. I need a new filter for my humidifier. It's so freakin dry in that place, you can use my skin for a chalkboard.

It's gonna be another dead day at work. I'm making a bunch of mp3's of Cure b-sides for my own growing mp3 playlist at work. I'm also compiling tracks for a couple of mix cd's I'm making for Ri when I finally get to see her on Saturday. I got in last night kinda late and did a good amount of drinking. Despite my intense desire to find some warm place in the office to curl up and take a nap, I'm doing pretty good.

Last night DJ and I met up with his oh-so-fucking-adorable friend Sarah. We went to a bar next to the Vic Theatre to have a few pints before they opened the doors for Brew and View. We got into some funny conversations while listening to the Stones, as DJ thought he heard Tina Turner's voice in one of the songs. Sarah and I pretty much ribbed him all night. It was a good time. Eric and Sarah's friend Bill showed up when we got a booth to sit in inside the theatre. I downed two wonderful pieces of pizza and we bought pitcher after pitcher of beer. Ahhhhh.

"Signs" was up first. It was as good as I remembered it. I really liked that movie. It was lacking a lot in the audio department, since the Vic isn't exactly a surround sound capable theater. DJ cracked the whole audience up in the beginning. The opening credits don't have any audio, and everyone sort of freaks out yelling "sound! sound!", but DJ took control and in a southern drawl said things like "well, folks, looks like we don't got no audio in this here picture so I'll do the honors..." and proceeded to read all of the opening credits. It was a riot. He even said "Di-rected by M. Night Shama.....shama....shamalamadingdong." I love that boy.

I didn't stick around for the last half of "The Transporter" as much as I wanted to see Turkish kick more ass and certainly see more of the Chinese girl's ass, I was too sleepy to sit through it. I took a cab home and read about 8 billion emails since I was too tired to get to them the night before.

Ben and I are going clothes shopping for the Whimsical show on the 5th. It's high time that I get out of this god damned funk I'm in and go out and have some fun. Since I've somehow managed to not gain a lot of holiday weight, it's the perfect time to go buy some fun clothes. Hell, I might even buy some ties. Who knows.

December 26th, 2002 17:00 hours CST currently listening to: "Never Here" by Elastica

"Piss off me not, lest ye be violated anally."
Oh Amanda, you and your empty promises.

December 26th, 2002 09:10 hours CST currently listening to: "He Took Her To A Movie" by Ladytron

Well, x-mas has come and gone. It was pretty good. My parents really love me. It's nice. I got down there around 8:30 or so. Becker had graciously let me leave early from work, so I hauled ass to get home. Not sure why, I just wanted to get down there. I blasted the mixes of the next airiel EP in the car. Sounds really fucking good. What else did I have? Um, "Skylarking" by XTC, "Doppelganger" by Curve, "Blind" by the Sundays, "The Complete Stone Roses" by the Stone Roses, and a George Carlin album, as is my normal road trip staple.

Saturday was just some x-mas shopping. I did pretty well this year. No last minute stress at all. Mom and I went out to see the new Star Trek. I'm pretty disappointed in it. There are some big ass fucking plot holes. I think there are some critical scenes now sitting on the cutting room floor. I dunno. Maybe the Next Generation cast has lots it's appeal for me.

I can't remember what I did on Sunday. Probably more shopping. Went to see the Two Towers that night. Saw Mary and Marty as well. This movie kicked so much ass. I really need to see it again. The interaction with Golem was amazingly good. It makes you laugh even more at how bad ILM is handling the CGI in Star Wars. George, take some notes. These guys have you beat.

Monday I drove around with dad for quite some time doing more shopping. Also had my front right tire replaced. Grrrrrr. It has a slow leak which turned out to be an inoperable puncture. I now have a used tire there. My spare is only a compact, so that was out. Crap. I really need to get my alignment worked on. The car vibrates a bit in the wheel and it pulls and breaks to the left. It was doing this before the tire replacement too. Grrrrrrr. I hate car repairs.

The boys got into town around 10:00. They looked good. The brought Nelson with them. He's their 9 (human) year old chocolate lab. He was so well behaved. It was nice. And this is coming from an avid cat fan, people. I was very relieved to have the boys home because I was getting very irritated with having to make conversation with dad.

We did presents on Tuesday, since I had to come back to Chicago on x-mas night. This way we can all chill out and play with our toys, etc. I got the money to buy the bed frame I want from CB2. I can't wait. I've never had a bed frame before. It has an angled head board too. Which will be great for reading. I need to order that today. I think it's already on back order. Pooh. Oh well. We got a bunch of snow that night. It was really pretty . People came over for dinner and I pigged out. Monday is when I start going back to the gym. I hope. There was a moment that night where I got really depressed. We were discussing my sisters engagement and my aunt Lara asked when I'll be getting married. I had to go upstairs and freak out a little. But I'm ok for the most part. Anyway, dinner was nice and the snow was fantastic. Both Chicago and Bloomington had a white x-mas.

I woke up that morning absolutely itching for a guitar. I had "Ri" in my head and decided that it's going to go on the next EP. I know exactly how I'm going to arrange it. I also know what parts I'm going to add and what songs to reference those parts by. I can't wait!!!!

Got a great and unexpected phone call from Rianon while I was driving back up to the city. Can't wait to see her on Saturday. Poor girl is moving right after x-mas. But what a way to start a new year, you know? Best of luck, dearest.

December 20th, 2002 09:00 hours CST currently listening to: "Mad World" by Tears for Fears

Ok, just like last week, I've updated the MP3 of the week a bit early. Last week it was because I took Thursday off as a mental health day and came in Friday thinking that it was Monday. Don't you hate that? Anyway, since I won't be back in town until after x-mas, I'm updating the mp3 today as well. "Three To Beam Up" by Kitchens of Distinction is one of the best songs I've ever heard. As most of you know, KOD is one of my top 5 favorite bands ever, and if they could have a theme song, this would be it. It's a 6 minute or so instrumental that just knocks me on the floor every time I hear it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and have a lovely holiday.

December 19th, 2002 08:40 hours CST currently listening to: "Taurus Moaner" by the Charlatans UK

My Epson printer has become my enemy. The thing prints for shit. I haven't gotten a completely smudge-free printout since I moved to Chicago. It makes all the mix cd's I'm making for friends look like total crap. Grrrrrrrr.

I was on the phone last night with a coworker in Canada for about 3 hours. Troubleshooting the Linksys router that I also use. I got his email working but now he's bitching about an entirely new problem. His complaints get more verbose as they occur and I eventually start cutting him off mid-bitch. There is a reason why I don't do tech support over the phone that often. Well, luckily, I don't normally have to do it ever, but I lose my patience really fast when the person I'm on the phone with continues to bitch. Man, it's not my fucking fault that your gear doesn't work, ok? I'm trying to FIX IT. So don't talk my ear off with your never-ending complaints. Dickhead.

Once I figure out what my finances are like after the holidays (and they're looking shockingly good), I may purchase a Gameboy Advance. I haven't had a Gameboy since the original one came out a looooong time ago, and I think I remember trading it for two NES games. Ninja Gaiden 2 and ..... something else. Hopefully not Legendary Wings or something. I never had a SNES and I really want to play "A Link to the Past" now that it's out on GBA. That, and I want to do the extra stuff with "Legend of Zelda: The Windwaker" when it comes out. Should be fun. I've only seen a GBA in action a few times and I've really liked how it looked.

I'm pretty excited about heading down to Bloomington this weekend. I can't believe x-mas is less than a week away. Time is moving too fast. Well, sort of. Some things aren't moving fast enough. My sister and her fiancé (oh yeah, she got engaged last week!) won't be able to make it because of their on-call status. But the boys are coming up from Atlanta. And I'm laughing as I type this, but this will be the fastest x-mas gift event ever since Jenny won't be here! She's always the one that drags us behind. No offense, sis. The boys don't arrive until Monday and I get down there on Friday night. Hopefully I'll be able to get dinner with Cathy in Indy on the way down. I'm going to make a better effort to see movies this time. On my list are Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, and 007. I know I won't get to them all, but I'll at least do Lord of the Rings and Star Trek. Anyway.

December 16th, 2002 08:40 hours CST currently listening to: "Halo" by airiel

*Yawn* Morning, all. Well, I'm listening to the mixes we did yesterday for the next airiel EP, and things sound amazingly good. David Golitko has done a smash up job on these songs. I can't wait for everybody to hear them. I went over to Ben's last night and he flipped. He has new ideas for the artwork already after listening to it. I'm still a bit shaky on one of the songs, but it's going to be a quick fix. I think the rest are pretty much in the can.

Friday night I hung out with Ben. Had some minor pizza mishaps with my oven. Things cook faster on the top rack, but a bit too fast for the gooey insides. We went to an art gallery on the southwest side of the city to see Some of the Quiet. It was the last night that Carrie's gallery was going to be open. Too bad too. It's a neat space. Neighborhood was slightly creepy, but it certainly could have been worse. Ben and I watched the Cell when we got back. I was a zombie all day at work and I was falling asleep during the last 30 minutes of that movie.

Saturday was mixing and more mixing. "Kiss Me Slowly" took 5 1/2 hours to do. My word, that's a lot of guitars. But it came out sounding totally ace in the end. "Liquid Paper" still needs a bit of work. But just barely. I opted to stay home instead of meeting Krissy and the gang over at the California Clipper. It was 10:15 when I got out of the studio and I hadn't eaten dinner. That, and my ears would be dead if I went out to a rockabilly bar and was around people shouting to be heard and smoke being everywhere. So I went home and read for about 10 minutes and passed out.

Sunday was more mixing. We mixed "Rainflower" in about an hour and a half. It was amazing how fast we got that done. Which was good, because next up was "Halo" and that was going to take some serious time to mix. It sounds abso-fuckin-lutely incredible. We completely nailed that sense of space and hugeness that I wanted. I mean, god damn, that song sounds good. I really wish I'd clipped my fingernails this morning. Sorry. Tangent. Anyway, I went on a food run in the middle of the afternoon. Went to pick us up some sandwiches at Potbelly's. DJ must have been at the Webster Place theater seeing the new Star Trek, because he put a "Fuck Off" note under my wiper. David and Seth and I listened to the mixes and we all loved them. Still have that bit to do on the opening track, but wow. I went over to Ben and Adrianna's place and let them hear it. I'm very happy.

And speaking of things that make me happy, check out exquisitely. Download "Duality" and listen to it over and over. It reminds me of the stuff I did back in 97 in my dorm room. The stuff that spawned airiel. It's a wonderful song.

December 13th, 2002 09:30 hours CST currently listening to: "Summerhead" by the Cocteau Twins

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone. I'm hung-over. First time in a month. Oooog. Went to Club Foot last night for the first time ever. There is something viciously cool about walking into a bar and hearing the opening guitar line to Catherine Wheel's "I Want To Touch You." God, that made me feel good. Ben went with me and we met up with Christian Ryan from Some of the Quiet as well as his friend Kerry. They didn't stay all that long, but I did remembered to give him my PA speakers as he was leaving, for his gig tonight at Kerry's art gallery. Krissy, Juan and some guy named Nick (I think) showed up a bit after. Perfect timing too. Mark and Shannon followed after that. The evening was fun and WELL DESERVED. I hadn't had a relaxing night out at a bar in way too long. We kept the psychobabble to a minimum. Mark asked me tons of questions about the studio session last weekend and he can't wait to hear it. Wow, I go in to mix tomorrow and I'll be coming out on Sunday with an actual mixed copy of this EP. Kickass. Anyway, Club Foot mixes a pretty mean gin and tonic. Cheap too. Ben and I switched to beer after a while since we'd been drinking a full 2 hours before Krissy and her group arrived.

Bands played that I recall: The Stone Roses, Blur, Catherine Wheel, New Order, Pulp, Suede, RIDE, and the Charlatans UK. Wow, it was fun. I didn't think shit like that existed in Chicago. When I played out in San Francisco in May, I want to this place called the Kat Club, and they had a Britpop night that night. I was in heaven. I'd never danced to Adorable or Chapterhouse in a club. Club Foot was just so damn relaxing. Nobody was loud and obnoxious. Nobody seemed too pretentious. We have to make a regular thing out of that night. No cover charge, either.

So let's see. Yesterday I took the day off. Mental health day. Much needed. I went to bed at 10:30 the night before and woke up at 8:00. That was the first full night of sleep I think I've had in a month. I only woke up to turn my alarm clock off. As soon as I got up I was so excited about being able to clean my apartment (I know, I'm fucked in the head lately) that I got started immediately. I reorganized my CD collection, rearranged the bedroom and scoured the bathroom. Even made it out to IKEA for some x-mas shopping. Blasted RIDE's "Going Blank Again" there and back. I was in such a good mood that I was almost giddy. There's something so stress relieving about cleaning up your living space. Especially after neglecting it as I had in the last month. I got rid of old magazines, some clothes, and even did candle maintenance. You know, when you have to rescue a wick that's been drowned in it's own wax. I watched Eddie Izzard's "Dressed to Kill" and Monty Python's Flying Circus all day too.

One of the things I stumbled across was the answer key to a Star Wars test I had given back when I worked at Borders in Bloomington. It was the night of the book release for The Phantom Menace. I am such a fucking geek, people. There's no way most people would get these answers. I remember that the guy who won happened to be fully dressed as Darth Maul. He won the costume contest too, I think. I have this guys address on the top of the page because he left me this really nasty note with someone while I wasn't working about how wrong some of my answers were. What a fucker. He left his address so that we could discuss these trivia points. I never even bothered. I'm a Star Wars geek, but I'm not going out of my way to prove it. Well, I mean, beyond administering a quiz and whatever. I still can't find anyone to play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. They all stuff the pie pieces down my throat in frustration and then leave. Hey, it happens to us all I suppose. I also discovered the printout from the Reader that Mary made for me and Jeff when I came up here over two years ago to look for places to live. It still has all the check marks, questions marks and x marks on the side. Addresses, phone numbers and contact information scribbled into the margins. Wow, I remember that day like it was yesterday. Thanks, Jeff. Ok, I'm sure you all give a shit about my apartment and my geekiness right now. Anyway, I'm going to scour the office kitchen for some pain killers and then pretend to work. Ciao!

December 10th, 2002 16:15 hours CST currently listening to: "Miracle" by Olive

"BossaNovaNowLady: Jer, I always sigh when I listen to your voice. I shouldn't say that right now but I just want you to know that you make an impression"

Ri, that's the kind of thing that keeps me going. Thank you.

December 10th, 2002 08:50 hours CST currently listening to: "Breathe Salt" by Should

Ok, ok, ok. I'm finally in a mindset where I feel like I can update this journal again. I got hit with yet another mind fuck on Friday night and I was almost at the point of a breakdown. However, I came to a decision yesterday thanks partly to the help of DJ and Ben, that has cleared my head considerably. So far, I don't have a headache, and I could hold a book with one hand on the train without trembling like I have Parkinson's. I've been so stressed out this past month that my body is just exhausted. But enough with that. Let's see what's been going on in my life that hasn't been undeserved.

Friday night I met up with Ben to go see "The Ring" up in Evanston. Here's how good that movie was: after the emotional bomb that was dropped on me, I was actually able to watch that movie, get completely immersed in it and actually be scared as well. Wonderful imagery. Great acting. Good characters. Brian Cox showing up was a welcomed event. DJ tried to activate the radio on my phone because he knew I was going to see that movie that night. He was going to yell "you have 6 days" into it, but he alerted my phone instead of making the direct call. Dork. I couldn't eat yet again that night, so I went to bed with a serious headache.

I was in the studio with David Golitko of Marvel Kind and The Assassins all weekend. Things went amazingly well considering the amount of stress I was under. I honestly don't know how I got through it. Every time we took a break, I wanted to curl up in a ball on the couch behind the mixing console. Even though the couch did smell like bong water. David was amazingly nice and very patient. I would never make a good recording engineer because I just don't have the patience sometimes when my gear goes on the fritz. But David was fantastic. I'd never met him before and we got along great. He was pretty impressed with how fast I was able to lay down tracks. I had to redo a couple of bass parts and vocal parts, but it all went pretty painlessly. On a technical level, I mean. Saturday was the first day and we isolated all the drum parts and synched them to the midi time track. I will never ever record in a studio that doesn't have a computer setup this cool. It was outstanding what we were able to do. We got all the instrument tracks down for three of the four songs. Around 7, we took a dinner break and I went to Lula by myself. It was nice. Got to read a paper and collect my thoughts. I called Rachel and Hans to see if they wanted to meet up with me, but they were in Schaumburg going to IKEA. Lucky bastards. We got out of the studio (I'm racking my brain as to what it's called) pretty late. I came home and I think I went straight to bed. Still didn't sleep well, but that should change over time. I just wish it would hurry up and change.

Sunday morning I kicked around and watched "The Cell". After watching "The Ring" two nights earlier, I needed more surrealistic imagery coming from my television. Worked on some bass lines and couldn't finish lyrics to one of the songs that we were going to be tracking that day. Talked to Ben for a bit. Since all of the gear was still setup, David and I got right to work. The last song went pretty flawlessly. The computer started acting up, but luckily every time it froze, we didn't lose anything important. Maybe a punch-in or something, but big deal. The vocals were amazingly hard to do. When you're just not ready emotionally, it takes some pretty god damn good acting skills to pull yourself together. I don't know how I did it. I really don't. I must have pulled some reserve out of the pit of my soul to get this done. Thankfully, I was in a dark corner of the studio, out of eyeshot. It's so hard to write lyrics about kissing and making out and sex and being in love when the imaginary person I wrote about suddenly has a face, and it's one you don't want to see. Next weekend we mix everything and then I'll take it to this place David recommended to get it mastered. We took a pizza break and completely devoured this thing. Pineapple and garlic. Oh yeah. Not good to eat before you're recording vocals, but whatever. David Baker, former lead singer for Mercury Rev, was hanging out with us during lunch. Please forgive the name dropping. We were joking about starting up a band together called Crap Factory. What do you guys sound like? "crap." What do you play? "lead crap." What's the lineup like? "crap." Boy, the possibilities are endless.

So, that's pretty much what's been going on. I have done zero x-mas shopping, which sucks because this weekend I'll be in the studio again. I have to do all my shopping during the week. Yikes. I still haven't gone ice skating. I have to do laundry tonight, so perhaps tomorrow. It's supposed to be in the 40's tomorrow anyway. Later.

December 6th, 2002 09:00 hours CST currently listening to: "Operation H. Monster" by The Charlatans UK

Dave's girlfriend, Cornelia, is a total freak. I guess she stopped by our office last night to pick up Dave. She loves to screw around with things on my desk. And there's a lot to screw around with. I've got my magic 8 ball, various doll heads (don't ask), my walking Bender and various other things lying around. This time she decided to thumbtack a maxi pad and a tampon to my cubical walls. Lovely.

I got an email from someone yesterday that completely took me by surprise. This person read my journal and realized that I was going through a bad patch and she ordered me a CD that was on my Amazon.com wish list. I was so touched, I nearly cried. She was talking about how a coworker had introduced her to airiel, and that she really loved the music I write. Talked about Slowdive and the Cocteau Twins and other bands that I dearly love. It was really sweet. It's nice to know that there are people out there who take a shot in the dark to care about someone they've never met.

December 4th, 2002 09:30 hours CST currently listening to: "Open the Light" by Boards of Canada

Other things that happened over the weekend that I forgot to mention:

Got a wicked blister on the middle finger of my right hand during racquetball. It still hurts like a bitch when I type.

Jenn and I went to an 18-and-over strip club on Friday night. Flip had told me about it that morning and I simply couldn't pass it up. 18-and-over in Indiana means no alcohol at all, which is alright since we were already hammered from all the gin at the Video Saloon up the street. It was a $10 cover and you had to buy at least one drink from the "bar". There's something so weird about watching 18 and 19 year olds getting topless on stage while drinking a Sprite. The place was filled with freshmen and sophomores. Despite having an alright venue, the place was a real dump. We stayed for about 30 minutes and just couldn't take anymore. The DJ actually used an applause track in between the dancers as they exited and entered the stage. It was hilarious. The guys were all just sitting there.

I got the whole family to watch Dogma on Saturday night. That was a trip. Out of all of my atheist family members, I'm the most vocal. I adore this movie. They all loved it. We actually watched it with the subtitles on. Jason Mewes's lines are even more funny when you get to read them while he says them.

Made my first ever pumpkin pie. Turned out perfect. Yay me and my mad baking skills.

We listened to Blue Boy's "unisex" throughout thanksgiving dinner. Dad really loved it. How funny.

I bought Eddie Izard's "Dressed to Kill" DVD. I think I watched that about 4 times that weekend alone. He is the funniest comedian I've seen in ages. Well, George Carlin is still the king, but Eddie is some very welcomed fresh material.

December 2nd, 2002 08:55 hours CST currently listening to: "Catch Him" by Blueboy

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. I think I gained all the weight back that I had lost the two weeks prior. Damn. I can't seem to keep anything good these days. The extended weekend got off to a shaky start. When I attempted to pay my ticket for the parking garage Wednesday night, I realized that I had left my visa/ATM card in the ATM machine on Monroe when DJ and I went out for lunch. I panicked and threw my shit in the car and got up to the street level. I called 411 and they connected me to my bank. They canceled the card and nobody had charged anything to it. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a temporary, withdrawal-only card at the branch in Bloomington, so I mooched off of my parents all weekend. Luckily I had enough cash to get gas and some food on the drive down there. It took me about an hour to get from Randolph street to the first toll on the skyway. That simply sucked. The rest of the drive was uneventful.

Thanksgiving was alright. It was smaller this year. None of my uncles and their families came this time, which is really fine by me. It was a nice little social event. But throughout the day I had these episodes of depression and needed to go up to me room and freak out for a bit. I got a very cheery email from Ri, and I'm so very excited that I finally get to meet her at the end of this month. We rented Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and just pigged out, really.

Friday, I met up with Flip to play racquetball. While he did kick my ass repeatedly (as he always has), I managed to beat the point spread once or twice. I was even leading a during a few games. It always came crashing down though. I managed to buy zero x-mas gifts on Friday. Jenny, Jeremy, David and Rusty and I all went to J.L. Waters and I got some comfy new gloves. We also went to the mall, which is a trip. I get stared at now just as much as when I was in high school. That place is a freak show. Americans are so fucking overweight and just plain stupid. Sure, that's a generalization, but this seems to be the hub of mid-western gluttony. I bought some undershirts and socks for myself. I went out with Jenn Schmetzer that night to the Vid. It's so wonderful being able to buy a sapphire and tonic for only $3.50. We had a really good heart to heart talk about relationships and she did a good job at understanding what had happened to me. She also realized how serious I was about all this. She'd never seen this side of me before.

Saturday was pretty laid back. Pancakes in the morning and then a nap. I needed one. I can't sleep still. I long for a night of solid, uninterrupted sleep. These dreams are feeding my depression and I want them to fuck off. Ended up just hanging out with the family the rest of the day. Made some Tollhouse cookies. I have this enormous bag of them here at my desk. Hopefully I can unload these things on my coworkers.

Sunday I had breakfast with Jonesy and Emma at Cafe Django. I had a really bad dinner there years ago and I had a really bad breakfast this time. I felt like hell the rest of the day. I washed my car in the garage and just sort of got my shit together. I took the boys up to the airport and we talked the whole way. It was really nice. I talked to Cathy for a bit on the ride up but my phone started flaking out, so I let her go. That fucking thing. Traffic coming up wasn't bad at all. I got in, checked my mail, unpacked and just sort of sat on the couch with my thoughts. I need to find things to do at night. If I sit around, I get depressed and I don't deserve that. I need to keep my chin up and keep doing what I need to do. I'm excited as hell for the recording time coming up. It's pretty much the one thing that is keeping me sane these days. That, and knowing that I can go ice skating after work now.